


The Things You Learn...

by melannen



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Epistolary, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2003-04-08
Updated: 2003-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-02 19:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melannen/pseuds/melannen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parvati and Lavender's project on love divination gets a bit out of hand, and everybody finds out rather more than they wanted to. In Part I, Arithmancy and Divination, we watch the Gryffindors participate in an experiment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Divination and Arthimancy

_Seen hanging in the Gryffindor Common Room:  
(you'd probably rather not know who did the seeing.)_

Dear Gryffindor House,

Parvati Patil and I, Miss Lavender Brown, are doing a special Divination project for Professor Sybill Trelawney with Professor McGonagall's permission. We are studying the ancient legend that says that if you go to sleep with a mirror under your pillow, you will dream of future lovers. We need as many different students to try this as possible and report to us the next morning. Of course, we can't make anyone do it, but Professor McGonagall and Professor Trelawney are each offering ten points for every student who helps us, and since certain people have put us well behind for the house cup, it would be really nice if you all signed up.  
Thanks in advance!!

Sign up here:  
Lavender Brown  
Parvati Patil  
Colin Creevey  
Dennis Creevey  
Seamus Finnigan (All right, girl, I got the others to sign on too. Are you speaking to me again?)  
Dean Thomas  
Neville Longbottom  
Harry Potter  
Ron Weasley  
Hermione Granger  
Ginny Weasley  


* * *

Thank you so much to everyone for volunteering to help out! If you signed up, please write what you dreamed about last night on your spot in this chart, using the attached quill, which is spelled to keep other people from changing your replies. Thanks again!

**Lavender**: I dreamed about my dear lovely Seamus! &amp;heart &amp;heart Also later Parvati and Sybill, up in the North Tower. I have to admit I liked that part of the dream better . . . oh my God! Hermione Granger, you put a truth spell on this quill, didn't you? Why? Why??

**Hermione**: Of course I did. If you two can humiliate everyone for your divination project, I'm certainly allowed to do so for Arithmancy. Professor Vector is giving me extra credit for testing this new veridication spell under real-world conditions. Someone might as well be learning something from this project, since it's obvious the divination part is utterly worthless. For example, I dreamed that I was doing homework alone in the library, surrounded by nothing but books. I hardly think that means I'll be celibate all my life. Actually, what really worries me is that I was more than slightly aroused by the time I woke up.          oh bollocks, I think I may have made that truth spell rather stronger than I intended . . . 

**Ginny**: I dreamed of my first and only, one true love, a dangerous little dark-haired cutie named Tom Riddle. (Well, who did you think it would be?) I dream of him often, seeing as how he took over my mind for an entire year before any of you lot noticed. If someone has a desire to learn more about my feelings for him, I'd be happy to show you some of the better curses he taught me.  
P.S. Harry: Good to know you can resist truth spells along with the Imperious Curse. The denial thing's working out well, then, is it?

**Ron**: Oh eww, Hermione, like we really needed to know that. I dreamed about my old rat, Scabbers. I don't see what this has to do with my love life.

**Dean**: Thank you so much for that mental image, Weasley. I dreamed about watching a football game. I have to agree with Ron here. I can't imagine how the entire West Ham football team could feature in my romantic future.

**Harry**: I dreamed about Voldemort, but I'm pretty sure it was caused by my scar, not the mirror, especially since Draco Malfoy and his father were there too.  
P.S. Ginny: I have no idea what you're talking about.

**Neville**: Parvati, why did you have to ask us to write this where everyone can see it? It's embarassing enough as it is, because I dreamed of Professor Snape, of course. Like my crush on him isn't painfully obvious to everyone already. Well, I can't help it that I always start daydreaming about him in potions class and lose track of what I'm supposed to be doing. It's not my fault he's so terribly attractive. I'm sure it's just hormones, anyway, I'll get over him eventually. It's only lasted five or six years so far.  
Oh well, at least I don't make a fool of myself around Harry anymore.

**Seamus**: Dean, you obviously didn't watch any of that Muggle pornography you got for me last summer, then.  
I seem to be the only person in this House who isn't entirely perverted. I dreamed only of spending my next Hogsmeade weekend with my sweet Lavender. Lavvie, if you try to bring Professor Trelawney along, I'm not coming. Parvati, now-- I think I could enjoy you and Parvati.

**Dennis**: Lavender and Parvati, Seamus? So much for you not being perverted! I dreamed about my first day at Hogwarts, when the giant squid rescued me from the lake. It's been a long time since I've remembered that! Neat. I'm so glad you suggested doing this, Lavender!  
It's a perfectly normal male fantasy, Dennis. --S  
Does that mean I can own up to my fantasies about Tom and Harry now, then?  
Gin!  
Something bothering you, Harry? --G

**Colin**: Wow, Dennis! I'd almost forgotten about that too! I dreamed about Harry, just like I always do. :) I don't really think it means anything, tho. I hope your project works out well, Lavender and Parvati!

Thanks so much for helping out, everybody. I'm sorry Miss Granger was too immature not to interfere with our project. We didn't mean to embarrass anyone, honestly. But I do think we might have gotten better data this way, so may be it was all for the best. If anyone wants to see the final analysis, talk to me in a few days and I'll be happy to give you a copy. Oh, everyone's points should be showing in the hourglass by now.  
\--P. P.

Woah, wait just a minute, Parvati. All the rest of us shared in public, don't think you're going to get out of it.

Well, if you really want the sordid details, Thomas . .

Spill, Parvati!

Curious, aren't we, Seamus? If you absolutely must know, I didn't dream about anyone, because I stayed up all night preparing this parchment and quill and getting the arithmantic analysis ready. I may be the one who didn't get in to Ravenclaw, but I'm not entirely stupid.

You're dead meat, Patil.

Miss Lavender Brown needs to calm down and remember that Gryffindors don't hex their own housema---

You mean Fred and George are forgotten already, Parvati? How sad. Nice ears, by the way. --R


	3. Potions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In part III, research in done, and points are taken from Gryffindor

/Folded in the back of the library copy of /Babylonian Oneiromancy/:/

/N. Longbottom  
Potions Notes  
Snapdragon - in /pleius/ potion, reduces the spread of rumors -  
interacts with the secrecy components to  
(snapdragon - genus antirhinnium, easily cultivated, annual, with  
bright, showy flowers) /

/Hermione- are you and Lavender and Parvati still planning something? /

/Why, are you interested in helping? /

/Well, Gran's always saying I need to stand up for myself more. This  
might be the time to start. Especially since I'm too embarrassed to show  
my face. It's horrible, I've never been so humiliated in my life.  
Professor Snape won't even _look_ in my direction. Yes, I want to help. /

/Him not looking at you might not be a bad thing, Neville, you haven't  
melted any cauldrons yet, have you? And he hasn't taken any points since  
\- that- well. I'd be happy to have your help, let me see what Parvati  
and Lavender think./

/Sure, Neville, glad for the help! Have you got any more ideas,  
Hermione? We vote for just jinxing them all to oblivion. By the way,  
Lavender thinks the reason Snape is more laid-back lately is he has a  
thing going on with professor McGonagall. --PP /

/Snape and McGonagall? That's -- ew. She's _old_. Besides, they hate  
each other.  
As to plans, we need to come up with something that's obviously in  
return for what they did to us. Sort of the same thing, only worse.  
That's a much more elegant sort of vengeance. I've done a little  
research. -- HG /

/Not for wizards, by those standards they're both just middle-aged. We  
think it's sweet. And your group of friends would know nothing about the  
thin line between love and hate, of course.  
Hermione, you never do just a little research. Meet later to discuss it,  
if you can put it in words of less than three syllables? In the girls'  
dorm, Neville, if you think you can handle it. --LB/

/That's fine with me. So --we're planning something about telling the  
whole school about their secret fancies? How would we find it out? - N/

/You leave Harry's problems out of this, Lavender. Honestly. I think we  
can go a step better, if we're willing to put in the effort: we could go  
into their dreams, and share that around. I'm sure we'd find quite a few  
embarassing secrets, and the symmetry would be perfect. -- H/

/Miss Brown, Miss Patil, Miss Granger, Longbottom, you are, I believe,  
aware of the rules against passing notes in class? Due to the  
interesting nature of your discussion, this time I will not publicly  
reprimand you, but consider yourselves warned. Don't try this again. And  
Brown, five points from Gryffindor for referring to your professor as  
"middle-aged". -- Professor Snape /

/You notice he didn't mention the part about McGonagall, though -- LB /

/ . . . Professor, you wouldn't be willing to help me with making a  
metamorpheus draught, would you? -- Hermione Granger /

/Miss Granger, I am surprised at you. Metamorpheus is very illegal, not  
to mention ethically questionable. Ten points to Gryffindor, and meet me  
after class if you wish to discuss a way to achieve the same results,  
legally. NOT you, longbottom. -- SS /


End file.
